Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
