is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
