shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
