I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
this beer tastes like vomit already
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
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