Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
