he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
so let's talk penis.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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