i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
