I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
