Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
