dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
