i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
