I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
