My nipple is on Facebook.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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