you guys were way drunker than both of me
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Less talking, more tequila
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
