my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Alive.
So much puke
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
