I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
