allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize