Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
