They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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