New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
My bed is full of blood and feathers
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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