question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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