you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
the day after is always just damage control
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
