i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
