Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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