We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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