theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
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You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
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His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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