Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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