well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
