That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Randomize
