I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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