I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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