Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
