She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
