I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
