her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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