remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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