Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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