His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
