The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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