dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
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You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
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This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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