The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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