It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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