dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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