After last night, I could never be a politician.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
