I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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