So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
