I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
