I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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