Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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