That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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