Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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