Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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