So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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