Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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