Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
