Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
