There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
