You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
