He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
