Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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