seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
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I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
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But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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