I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
