Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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