You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
