She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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